Jun 25, 2009

Here's My Say and My Peace. Think As You Want.

I got a request to take down my last post because it hurt someone a lot. The person who was hurt knows who he is and is probably reading this. This entry is to you.

I will apologize for what I said and the language used to express it. I'm sorry that it hurt you as much as it did and that you took it to heart; I really am. I realize now how inappropriate it was for me to say those things, even though I said everything due to anger that has been repressed over the past few months.
This is where this post turns into something you're not going to like, but you really need to know this. It, honestly, pisses me off when I hear that you think that my last post hurt you dearly. You have no clue about all the pain and suffering that I've gone through since all this stuff started. I've cried myself to sleep many times and I've destroyed everything that I was in a small desperate plea of acceptance from you and the rest of your family. I've seriously have changed and it's for the worse. I've closed myself in because of what you and everyone else have said about me. It really kills me when you pretty much tell my mom over the phone that I'm a whore. I am nothing close to being a whore! It also kills me when you, and everyone else, says that I'm fat. So what if I'm bigger? It doesn't mean a damn thing because I'm a good person...I am a good girl. I've never done anything seriously wrong to anyone! Yeah, I do apologize for what has happened since mine and Andrew's decision, but I never meant for it to turn into what it has. All in all, I want you to know is that I'm sorry for what I said in my last post and I'm sorry that the one thing that I said that was actually hurtful did hurt you in such a horrid way, but all the things that you've said about me has hurt me a great deal and it has made me more depressed than I already was. You don't know me nor do you know anything about me so don't you dare say anything about me...unless you can say it to my face.
My next thing is your son. He is the most amazing person that I've ever met and I'm proud to be his girlfriend. All I want to say here is that I wish that you could see how much this has hurt him. Out of everyone involved, I think that your son is the most hurt. He's torn between his family and his beliefs. Really, I don't count too much in this department because no matter what girl he decided to date, something like this was bound to happen. He's even said this himself. I just want you to know how sad it makes me talking to him sometimes because his voice is full of sadness, depression and confusion. It makes me want to cry. If anyone deserves an apology, it's him.
So if you still want to talk to me please call me. You most likely have my number and if you don't, your son knows it.
That's all I've got to say and, again, I'm sorry that what I said in my last post hurt you, but please consider my feelings in this whole thing. Also, consider your son's feelings also.
Thank you,